I grew up in a very strict and serious household where I was ridiculed for being myself, and mocked for having emotions and feelings. For a good chunk of my life you could consider me emotionally ignorant —I was once called a robot. I was miserable, depressed, anxious and completely disconnected from myself and others.
I once told a friend that if I got paid to feel guilty I would be a billionaire.
So if someone told me that one day I would be teaching others about emotional intelligence, how to be happy and live their best life I wouldn’t have believed them.
Something needed to change
At a certain point I was just so damn miserable that something had to give. I was forced to take action. And take action is what I did. I read a lot of books on self-help, depression, anxiety, abuse and the like. When I first started I would hide the covers of the self-help books out of embarrassment. Now, I am the writer of those books! (So don’t hide the covers ’cause I need the advertisement and I’m sure you look fab reading it 😉)
I started working on my physical health and lost 40 lbs (been maintaining for almost 5 years now!). I went to therapy and learned a wonderful technique called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. And I created this mentality and unique perspective that has been very beneficial for me in every aspect of my life.
My friends would call and tell me they got a promotion at work because they followed things that I did. I’ve had a few people tell me I’ve positively impacted and even changed their lives. I love hearing that kind of stuff! But this one woman in particular will always touch my heart strings.
Reddit, who knew?
She was having some trouble and turned to Reddit for advice. Besides the common platitudes from well meaning people I did not see any helpful comments. I gave her some advice and forgot about it. Until one evening when I saw a response. She said I really helped her and she was no longer feeling anxious. I cried.
I cried hard. It was like a faucet was turned on. I am tearing up even as I think of it. At that moment I felt that I was exactly where I needed to be. I started to reconsider my life even more, and I put a lot of things into motion that I am benefiting from now.
The change begins
I realized that I want to help others. Seeing other succeed was always something I enjoyed, and I realized that I want to do it on a larger scale. I want to make everything I went through mean something. I want to help those who may be feeling how I was feeling (like dirt), or help those who are feeling confused like I was feeling, or someone who wants a promotion or raise, or to just simply sleep at night.
It worried me a little because I wanted to make sure I didn’t lose myself in helping others. So I’ve even gone so far as to read books about not loosing yourself while helping others. Even though it is one of the last things I expected, it’s what I am meant to do and where I am meant to be! So happy to be here.
A new kind of help
While there are some pretty great texts out there I have noticed that there are definitely pitfalls in the self-care and self-help industry today. A lot of what is suggested is the same recycled material or empty platitudes. That’s simply not me. I like to get my hands dirty, get in and unclog the mess so I can make things right and benefit from my hard work.
I’ve done the work and now I am going to help you by telling you what I learned. There were things that didn’t work for me, but everyone is different so I will reference those as well. I not only want to outline what helped me, I want to show you how to do it! And I want to do it in a no bs, digestible way —because this sh*t is tough!
What to expect
I’ve spend enough of my life being serious, I wanted to take a lighthearted approach to betterment. With my writing I take serious topics and write about them in a fun way while still taking them seriously.
With my writing you will find a straight-forward, lighthearted (to an extent) approach to self-care. I cut out the fluff and I avoid the bs.
A few constant thoughts
There are a few core beliefs you’ll see in my writing:
- When you change your thoughts you change your life.
- We all just want so deeply to connect and sometimes just need a compassionate listener.
- Society is inherently abusive and does not cultivate an environment for us to thrive.
- Misconceptions about emotions are hurting us and needs to change – I try and lead by example here.
- The word victim is so misused and we need to get back to the original definition.
- I’m an equal opportunity employer. As long as you are trying to live your best life (and not hurting anyone else in the process) then I am happy to help you. I don’t care about your race, gender or who you like to have sex with (but please wear protection and make sure consent is clear).
- Where there is a will, there is a way. I’m an introspective, introvert who was the family scapegoat. There were times in my life when it was tough to get out of bed in the morning. I would drink to escape. I now publicly share my story and help others. If I can do this you can do this.
When people read my story I want them leave with a feeling that anything is possible. That, while you may feel like shit and that there is no hope now, there is hope. And it would be my honor to help you get there.
This site isn’t just for those who are feeling depressed and anxious. It’s for anyone who simply wants to live their best life. For anyone who wants to improve their quality of life.
Living my best life… and you can too!
About a year ago a bartender at a steak house told me it looked like I was living my best life. I was reading a book while drinking a martini on a Friday night. He said he’s never seen anyone so content and he was amazed that I could read in such a loud space. Then he gave me a dessert on the house (thanks buddy!)
That wasn’t the first time I’ve heard someone tell me it looked like I was living my best life and it wasn’t the last. But it was the most memorable, because, well, free desert!
I want to help you live your best life too.